shoot yourself in the foot why don't ya!

listen ladies, if you are going to hound your man about putting a ring on your finger know this:
IT WILL NEVER WORK OUT!!! he will resent the shite out of you and one day come to realize you are a total loser.  i hope you like paperwork because you'll be filling out divorce papers soon enough.
good luck with that.

the grass is always greener syndrome

I believe that the universe is working in my favor.  So in that case shouldn’t the man I want, the one that gives me butterflies dancing hysterically in my stomach, be showering me with love, affection and amazing gifts? 

But he forgets I exist.  Randomly, throwing me a bone.  Instead I am left to fantasize about a life I will probably never have.  I will have to live without the chemistry that feels so palpable it almost suffocates you.  Instead, I will be sitting across from non-descript, faceless, nameless man hearing the dredge of the Charlie Brown mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah looking over the fence at the luscious, glistening, emerald grass.........

hollywood jive turkey

it used to be dinner and a movie.  today, it's come watch a movie at my house and byo-whateverthefuckyouwanttoeatordrink.  what happened to courtship and chivalry?

and what's with the false pretenses?  you want to f*ck? then just say that.  save the "come watch a movie" bullshit for the 23 year old who thinks she still has to pretend she's an angel and that it is some semblance of a date.

i don't have time for this bullshit.  yes, my clock IS ticking. the time i spend with you pretending you want to hang out takes away precious moments meeting my knight in shining maserati at the whole foods, coffee bean or farmers market.  

so, hollywood jive turkey, let's call it what it is and get on with it!

If you want to ride a horse, don't get on a crocodile

it's plain. it's simple. it took me 35 years to figure out.  if i want a disease free, stable, committed guy I don't spend my time with the head to toe inked, unemployed, grunting neanderthal that my friends refer to as, "the guy walking down the street that would make me clench my purse tighter."

There's nothing wrong with a crocodile.  If that's what you want.  

But I want a birthday card, someone to know I take my coffee with soy cream, no sugar.

So as exciting as that slinky crocodile seems smiling at me as he swaggers by, i'll have to wait it out for my horse and his stable, drawn carriage.....

my fryes did the funniest thing today.....

my friends that are parents are constantly sending photos of their children. unsolicited photos. 
i'm sitting at work going about my day when an ex-boyfriend's IM pops up on my screen.  no hello. no explanation.  Just a picture of his kid.  when i don't respond he proceeds to write," ....? "
so i sent him a picture of my boot. 
my boots are to me what your children are to you.  noone REALLY cares to see a picture of them no matter how effing cute, smart, old or new they are. 
just saying.